Falling off a bicycle and getting back on!


In  the Shabbat assembly this past week,  I shared with the students my experiences of teaching my son how to ride his bicycle.  I walked with my son and his bicycle up our block to a spot where there was a good incline to get started.  I ran behind the bike holding on, and then, when I felt he was balanced, I let go. He did it! He was going great but I had forgotten to tell him how to stop!! He turned up into our driveway and crashed into our garage.  He was fine. The next day he walked his bike up the block and practiced by himself. He got on the bike and then quickly fell off. I was two houses away so I started running toward him. How could I let him get hurt? I thought that he would not want to ride anymore. My neighbor's father was visiting and he came out and told me not to run to my son, that he would be fine. I listened to him and my son got back on the bike and made it down the block to our house.


I asked my neighbor’s father why he told me not to run to my son when he had fallen.  He told me that I needed to let him fall and get back up on his own. This will serve him well in life. He is correct. It is OK for a child to feel a little pain, or to feel badly about something he had done wrong.  These are feelings that children will feel at some point in their lives. They need to learn how to deal with these feelings.


I told the students that it is ok to feel badly about having done something wrong, especially if it teaches them not to do it again. Parents are not there to protect their children from everything bad that happens; rather, they are there to support their children’s learning from these situations.


As teachers and as parents, we need to allow our students and children to experience the full constellation of feelings, including  pain, sadness  and anger.  More importantly, the children  need to learn the skills to work through these feelings. We need to let kids "fall" and learn how to pick themselves up. If we see a child feeling badly about something we need to tell him/her to experience those feelings and to talk about what caused those feelings.  I think this approach will make for more well rounded, resilient and independent young children. While it may be difficult to put into action, as we want to protect our children from all that makes them feel badly, we need to do it for our children’s sake..