Standing by the Well - How we act away from home.

 At this week’s Shabbat Assembly I talked to the students about the test of acting correctly when you are away from home.  In the parsha, Eliezer, Avraham's servant, was searching for a wife for Yitzchak. He was instructed to go to a specific area to find a wife. Why does he go to a well to look for this person? Why not go into the city to the homes of the people whom Avraham told him would be okay to marry?  The Chizkuni explains that Eliezer was looking for a wife at the well on purpose. He wanted to see this person and observe her behavior when she was away from her home.  This would be a true test of what type of young lady she was.  Had she been in her parents' home she would have done as instructed and offered guests food and water. She would have been polite and courteous in front of her parents.  Eliezer was looking to see how this young girl would respond when she was on her own. 

Similarly, we as parents and teachers educate our children to do the right thing and to behave properly. However, the children's true test is not when they are with their parents and teachers. The true test is when the children are at recess or lunch, or on the school bus, or at a play date. At these times, when they are on their own, they must demonstrate that they have incorporated good manners and appropriate behaviors into their lives. I hope the students will take this lesson to heart and assimilate it into their lives when the adults are not around.

Avraham and Rav Ovadia Yosef zt"l The Lesson of Caring

At the Shabbat Assembly I talked to the students about caring for all people.  In the Parasha we learn of the life of Avraham Avinu. He welcomed all types of people into his tent. As his name change signifies, he was the אב המון גיום, "the father of many people".  

I shared a story with the students about how Rav Ovadia Yosef, who passed away on Oct 7, 2013, showed great caring for people.  The story was about a college friend's first experiences with Rav Ovadia. My friend was 15 years old and living in Los Angeles, CA. Rav Ovadia was visiting from Israel and was speaking at different shuls during his stay in L.A.  On Sunday night my friend and his father went to hear Rav Ovadia's lecture. My friend loved it! He was in awe of this great Torah Scholar and person. The special robe and head dress added to his allure. The next night the lecture was at a different shul and he wanted to attend. His father was not able to take him since he had a meeting. His Mom told him that she would take him. They drove to the lecture and when they arrived they saw that it was men only. They looked around to see if they knew anyone entering the lecture hall, but they did not. Nobody else was arriving so they were about to turn around and go home. Just then a car pulled up and Rav Ovadia got out. He walked up to the entrance and greeted them. He shook my friend's hand and went inside.  A few moments later he returned and asked them why they were standing outside. My friend's Mom explained that her son wanted to hear the lecture but they did not realize it was men only, and she was wearing pants and she did not feel comfortable coming inside. Rav Ovadia motioned to them to follow him inside. Once inside he asked the first row of men to clear out the bench for this mother and son. He started the shiur by saying "Praised are the parents who bring their children to Torah." 

This story about Rav Ovadia clearly illustrates Avraham Avinu's example of accepting people and making them feel comfortable. In my humble opinion, this great jesture by a great man teaches all of us an extremely important lesson.

A Message from Martians

At this week’s Shabbat Assembly I talked to the students about listening to people. There are times when people - our parents, teachers or even our friends - attempt to tell us something and we don't listen. Either we think we know better, or we wonder who they think they are that they believe they can tell us what to do. But as this cute story about a trip to Mars illustrates, others may be trying to tell us a very important message. 

Two astronauts land on Mars. Their mission: to check whether there is oxygen on the planet.

 "Give me the box of matches,” says one. "Either it burns and there is oxygen, or nothing happens."He takes the box, and is ready to strike a match, when out of the blue, a little green Martian appears waving all six of his arms and yelling..."No, no, don't!"The two guys look at each other, worried. Could there be an unknown explosive gas on Mars?Still, he takes another match...and… A crowd of hysterical green Martians is coming to them, all waving their arms. "No, no, don't do that!" One of the astronauts says, "This looks serious. What are they afraid of? Nonetheless we're here for Science, to know if man can breathe on Mars." So he strikes a match--which flames up, burns down, and NOTHING HAPPENS. So he turns to the Martians and asks, "Why did you want to prevent us from striking a match?" The leader of the Martians says, "It's Shabbos."

So when your friends, teachers, or parents are trying to tell you something, take the time to hear them out and then make your decision. These people are looking out for you and trying to help you. After hearing their comments you can make a more informed decision. 

A Gift of Learning that keeps giving....

This past Friday at the Kabbalat Shabbat program I talked to the students about gifts we give to family and friends. Some gifts are things we want, while some gifts are things we need. Sometimes gifts last a long time, and sometimes they last for a very short while.

I shared with the students that I was recently in a  4th grade classroom celebrating a siyum for parshat Vayigash.  The studentsand I were talking about some of the stories and plot lines in the parsha. One story that struck me as particularly important to share with everyone was connected to gifts that are very meaningful. In  parshat Vayigash, after Yosef reveals himself to his brothers, he sends gifts back home.  The gifts were wagons in which to transport his brothers’ families, clothing and food.  They were very nice gifts for a large family making a long journey. Yaakov at first did not believe the news his sons brought back from Egypt. Yosef was still alive? No Way!! However, Rashi says that when Yaakovsaw the wagons he knew that this was a present that could have only come from Yosef. Rashi points out, based on a Midrash, that there was a hidden message in the gift of Agalot that Yosef sent.Agalot can mean wagons but it can also mean calves, or young cows. This was a message to Yaakov that Yosef remembered thelast topic they learned together,  Eglah Arufah, the ritual of an unsolved murder. Once Yaakov saw these wagons, he felt better and cried out "Yosef still lives."

The gift that Yaakov and Yosef had given each other was a gift thatwas so strong, it could last forever. It was the gift of learning Torah with one another. At the end of the school year we reflect back onall that we have accomplished and completed. We have a siyum/party. The party is over in 30 minutes,  but the gift that will stay with the teacher and the students is the learning of Torah thattook place in their classroom all year. This connection can never be broken. Years later these 4th graders will have memories of learning the story of Yosef together with their morot and their classmates. Nothing can take that away. In an era when children have more and more electronic devices, the one gift that will never get old or be put on a shelf to collect dust, is the time that we parents, teachers, and friends take to learn with them.

Falling off a bicycle and getting back on!


In  the Shabbat assembly this past week,  I shared with the students my experiences of teaching my son how to ride his bicycle.  I walked with my son and his bicycle up our block to a spot where there was a good incline to get started.  I ran behind the bike holding on, and then, when I felt he was balanced, I let go. He did it! He was going great but I had forgotten to tell him how to stop!! He turned up into our driveway and crashed into our garage.  He was fine. The next day he walked his bike up the block and practiced by himself. He got on the bike and then quickly fell off. I was two houses away so I started running toward him. How could I let him get hurt? I thought that he would not want to ride anymore. My neighbor's father was visiting and he came out and told me not to run to my son, that he would be fine. I listened to him and my son got back on the bike and made it down the block to our house.


I asked my neighbor’s father why he told me not to run to my son when he had fallen.  He told me that I needed to let him fall and get back up on his own. This will serve him well in life. He is correct. It is OK for a child to feel a little pain, or to feel badly about something he had done wrong.  These are feelings that children will feel at some point in their lives. They need to learn how to deal with these feelings.


I told the students that it is ok to feel badly about having done something wrong, especially if it teaches them not to do it again. Parents are not there to protect their children from everything bad that happens; rather, they are there to support their children’s learning from these situations.


As teachers and as parents, we need to allow our students and children to experience the full constellation of feelings, including  pain, sadness  and anger.  More importantly, the children  need to learn the skills to work through these feelings. We need to let kids "fall" and learn how to pick themselves up. If we see a child feeling badly about something we need to tell him/her to experience those feelings and to talk about what caused those feelings.  I think this approach will make for more well rounded, resilient and independent young children. While it may be difficult to put into action, as we want to protect our children from all that makes them feel badly, we need to do it for our children’s sake..

Looking at What we Accomplished

This past week at the Shabbat assembly. I shared with the students the excitement of counting the Omer. Each night my kids ask me what day it is in the counting of the Omer and we count together. We feel very accomplished when we complete it each year. Why is that? What have we really accomplished?

I think there is a big lesson for all of us in the idea of counting.  A few weeks ago I challenged the students to take these weeks of the Omer and be better at greeting people. This is a Middah we should have all year long, but these days of the Omer are times when we redirect ourselves to Bein Adam Lechavro,  relationships between others. Saying good morning to bus drivers, teachers and other people they see during their day is important. Saying good bye and thank you to the kitchen staff who serves lunch and the maintenance men who set up and clean up after every program is important.  It was close to the 30th day of the Omer and I wanted to know how we were doing. I received my answer from the Middle States accreditation team. They visited the school from Monday through Thursday of last week. They reported on many aspects of the school and the one that struck me the most was the following. The head of the Middle states team said, " One of the best things we saw in this school were the children’s faces, their eyes. They said good morning to us and good afternoon, and  looked at us eye to eye with maturity and respect."  WOW! The students did a great job.  We really passed that challenge.   At the same time I reminded the students that we are not perfect and we are always trying to be better.

I shared with the students the story of my Kabbalat Shabbat Blog.This year,  I set out to write a post for each Shabbat assembly. Now that the year is 2/3 over, I look back and think that I did not do it. I failed. I was feeling upset that I did not accomplish what I set out to do. Then a friend asked me to look at it in the following way.

"Last year, how many posts did you have? Zero. This year how many do you have? 11. Well that is great.  Eleven more than last year." Once I looked at it this way, I was excited by how much I had really done. Could I be better? Sure. Was I perfect ? No way. But looking back, I realize that I undertook something new and that I was following through with it.

I connected this idea to the school year. It is 2/3 over and, if the students look only at what they are doing today, they might think they did not accomplish that much. However, if they look at and COUNT how many things they have done and learned since the beginning of the year, they will see that they have acquired many skills, many facts and much knowledge. Are we all perfect ? NO, but we accomplish more each and every day.

Rules of the Game

At this week’s Shabbat Assembly I talked to the students about commandments, rules. In this week’s parsha, Yitro, we read about the "Ten Commandments" that Hashem gave to the Jewish people. Commandments are basically rules that we need to live by as Jewish people. I shared with the students that there are rules for a lot of the things we do in life. There are rules in the classroom, there are rules in your home, there are rules about how we talk to friends and to adults. There are rules about how we act in public. For example, we are not allowed to just throw our candy wrappers in the street because the government has rules about littering. There are even rules about how much noise we can make. We are not allowed to play loud music outside past a certain hour because that is against the rules.

As Jewish people we learn about rules and Mitzvot from a very young age. This past week, The New York Times printed an article about a Jewish college basketball player, Aaron Liberman, who follows the rules of Orthodox Judaism while playing for his team at Northwestern University. I looked at this as a great example of a young Jewish man following the "rules". He wears a kippah made especially for him by Under Armor, the outfitter for the basketball team. He told his coaches that he is not able to travel on Saturday and that he has certain dietary needs. The coaches were willing to give him a try and he is on the team. Aaron has asked his Rabbi many questions about Halacha and his situation. Here is quote from the NY Times article. "The life of an Orthodox basketball player is one of discipline. Liberman prays three times a day, keeps kosher and travels only by foot on the Sabbath, from sundown Friday to sundown Saturday.” To see the full article click here.

This is a great example of following the commandments. These Mitzvot are rules to live our lives to the fullest. Rules in any domain, be it on a basketball team, in a classroom, on a school bus, or at home, are put in place to help us get the most out of our life experiences in a safe and productive manner.  We should look at the mitzvot that we accepted in this week’s parsha as a great guide to life. 

Moshe The Humble - וארא & בא

    Last week at the Shabbat Assembly we talked  about knowing your strengths and being proud of them. Moshe Rabeinu is called in sefer Devarim "the most humble of all people".  As defined in a dictionary,  humble means "1. Marked by meekness or modesty in behavior, attitude, or spirit; not arrogant or prideful. 2. Showing deferential or submissive respect 3. Low in rank, quality, or station; unpretentious or lowly:"

These do not sound like Moshe’s characteristics. He was the leader of the Jewish People. Moshe  took the Jewish People out of Mizrayim, the strongest country at the time. He spoke to Pharoah and put miraculous plagues on the people of Mizrayim. Above all, he spoke to God and argued  with God on behalf of the Jewish people. These are not actions of  a "meek, submissive" individual.  Moshe needed to be assertive and proud, and to believe that what he was doing was the right thing. How could he be considered "the most humble of all people"?

I related to the students a story from my junior year in high school. I loved playing basketball and I was pretty good for a Jewish high school player. I gave 110% in every practice and game, and I wanted to win. In one game that year I remember something my coach told me during the timeout. It was a close game and we had the ball with 20 seconds left. We were down by 1 point. The coach drew out a play, a double screen for me to take the shot. As we left the huddle the coach pulled me aside and said, “ this is your shot. You are our best shooter. Even if they drop off one of your teammates to double  team, you take the shot.” We ran the play to perfection and the shot went in -  swish! One of my high school highlights for sure. It felt great to win, and win in the last moment.  WOW! After all the hoopla, I asked the coach why he pulled me aside. He said that sometimes I was too nice with passing the ball and sometimes I gave up my shot attempt. He needed me to more assertive and realize that I was the best chance for our team to win in that situation. He said that people who know what their strengths are and use them are not arrogant people. They are people who recognize how to use their strengths. If you walk into school tomorrow and say to everyone, "Hey coach thinks I am the best and always pass me the ball, etc., that is arrogant and haughty.”  I never forgot that conversation.

I think that this helps me understand my question about Moshe. Moshe had many strengths. He needed to use these abilities to help the Jewish People. He needed to be assertive and push Pharoah to the brink. He needed to fight for the survival of the Jewish People against God. He needed to judge the people in the desert for 40 years.  He had all the makings of a person who could have been arrogant, haughty, pretentious, and nasty, but he was not. He was humble. For this reason he is called the most humble of all people. He had the biggest challenge to stay humble and he did. 

It is important to know what our strengths are,  and to use them when we need to,  with pride. If someone needs help with a problem in school or on the ball fields, help him or her,  and do it humbly.  Follow the role model of Moshe, a person who had an abundance of talents,  but who was, at the same time, the most humble of all.