Falling off a bicycle and getting back on!


In  the Shabbat assembly this past week,  I shared with the students my experiences of teaching my son how to ride his bicycle.  I walked with my son and his bicycle up our block to a spot where there was a good incline to get started.  I ran behind the bike holding on, and then, when I felt he was balanced, I let go. He did it! He was going great but I had forgotten to tell him how to stop!! He turned up into our driveway and crashed into our garage.  He was fine. The next day he walked his bike up the block and practiced by himself. He got on the bike and then quickly fell off. I was two houses away so I started running toward him. How could I let him get hurt? I thought that he would not want to ride anymore. My neighbor's father was visiting and he came out and told me not to run to my son, that he would be fine. I listened to him and my son got back on the bike and made it down the block to our house.


I asked my neighbor’s father why he told me not to run to my son when he had fallen.  He told me that I needed to let him fall and get back up on his own. This will serve him well in life. He is correct. It is OK for a child to feel a little pain, or to feel badly about something he had done wrong.  These are feelings that children will feel at some point in their lives. They need to learn how to deal with these feelings.


I told the students that it is ok to feel badly about having done something wrong, especially if it teaches them not to do it again. Parents are not there to protect their children from everything bad that happens; rather, they are there to support their children’s learning from these situations.


As teachers and as parents, we need to allow our students and children to experience the full constellation of feelings, including  pain, sadness  and anger.  More importantly, the children  need to learn the skills to work through these feelings. We need to let kids "fall" and learn how to pick themselves up. If we see a child feeling badly about something we need to tell him/her to experience those feelings and to talk about what caused those feelings.  I think this approach will make for more well rounded, resilient and independent young children. While it may be difficult to put into action, as we want to protect our children from all that makes them feel badly, we need to do it for our children’s sake..

Looking at What we Accomplished

This past week at the Shabbat assembly. I shared with the students the excitement of counting the Omer. Each night my kids ask me what day it is in the counting of the Omer and we count together. We feel very accomplished when we complete it each year. Why is that? What have we really accomplished?

I think there is a big lesson for all of us in the idea of counting.  A few weeks ago I challenged the students to take these weeks of the Omer and be better at greeting people. This is a Middah we should have all year long, but these days of the Omer are times when we redirect ourselves to Bein Adam Lechavro,  relationships between others. Saying good morning to bus drivers, teachers and other people they see during their day is important. Saying good bye and thank you to the kitchen staff who serves lunch and the maintenance men who set up and clean up after every program is important.  It was close to the 30th day of the Omer and I wanted to know how we were doing. I received my answer from the Middle States accreditation team. They visited the school from Monday through Thursday of last week. They reported on many aspects of the school and the one that struck me the most was the following. The head of the Middle states team said, " One of the best things we saw in this school were the children’s faces, their eyes. They said good morning to us and good afternoon, and  looked at us eye to eye with maturity and respect."  WOW! The students did a great job.  We really passed that challenge.   At the same time I reminded the students that we are not perfect and we are always trying to be better.

I shared with the students the story of my Kabbalat Shabbat Blog.This year,  I set out to write a post for each Shabbat assembly. Now that the year is 2/3 over, I look back and think that I did not do it. I failed. I was feeling upset that I did not accomplish what I set out to do. Then a friend asked me to look at it in the following way.

"Last year, how many posts did you have? Zero. This year how many do you have? 11. Well that is great.  Eleven more than last year." Once I looked at it this way, I was excited by how much I had really done. Could I be better? Sure. Was I perfect ? No way. But looking back, I realize that I undertook something new and that I was following through with it.

I connected this idea to the school year. It is 2/3 over and, if the students look only at what they are doing today, they might think they did not accomplish that much. However, if they look at and COUNT how many things they have done and learned since the beginning of the year, they will see that they have acquired many skills, many facts and much knowledge. Are we all perfect ? NO, but we accomplish more each and every day.